This is where I’m at. At first, innocence; not wanting something bad to happen to him. Then came awareness of what he was doing – and with that came anger, which turned into hatred.
In the years following disclosure, hatred dismantled itself in light of understanding – that, in order to do what he did, he is living a much more miserable existence than I can imagine – and understanding that, actually, his motives are irrelevant to me in the here and now.
In the here and now, I’m wiser, happier and more balanced than ever before, and this renders the abuser redundant in terms of how I live my life today. I hope that all survivors can feel this sense of clarity and release that comes from…. no longer giving a F as to why they did the things they did. Carrying around resentment for too long is no good for me.